I just finished reading this and found it the best thing I have read in a while and wanted to share if I can, hope it helps someone else.
http://betrayedwivesclub.blogspot.com/2010/05/why-your-thoughts-are-lies.html
http://betrayedwivesclub.blogspot.com/2010/01/lies-and-lying-liars-who-tell-them.html
http://betrayedwivesclub.blogspot.com/2010/08/creating-door-to-your-future.html
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Still here
I am still here wondering where it all went so wrong. Try as hard as I can to move on it just seems to linger. I live with the hope that a new day brings with it new hope of answers. He says he loves me, I believe him. He has shown me in many ways a new man and tries harder each day to prove to me his love. But the things I still need are answers or at best the effort to try to find them.
He does not search the Internet for ways to understand me/women in general or my feelings the way I do to understand him/men in general. The things I have read, twist me. I feel I have done so much wrong and it is also my fault he cheated. He does know my looks very well and has most of them down to the letter. It amazes me the way he does this. I believe the way he understands me maybe the way he wants to be understood and I feel the same way towards him. Neither of us are wrong in this but I think we both need to at least see the others side.
If I could just let go. Really let go of this and live as if we just met, it may be different. But how do you just start over when you can't let go of the pain they have caused by being selfish. Yes, Selfish is what it takes to cheat and not think of the one you hurt. We have talked about this and he admitted it was selfish and has apologized.
He seems sincere and has cried several times when we talk. I don't believe he would do this just to fool me. I believe him but still who wants to be taken for the fool again. I forgave him months ago for the infidelity but I can get past the fact that we haven't talked about it the way I need to. Maybe he doesn't need to talk about it and can move on this way but I can't and isn't it about what we both need to move on that matters?
I have met his needs when he asked for changes in our marriage, so why can't he just give a little my way? I know I have not handled this the best way from the start but I have opened up to him honestly and tell him how I feel and why. I don't believe he really hears me! I just want to be heard...... am I wrong here?
He does not search the Internet for ways to understand me/women in general or my feelings the way I do to understand him/men in general. The things I have read, twist me. I feel I have done so much wrong and it is also my fault he cheated. He does know my looks very well and has most of them down to the letter. It amazes me the way he does this. I believe the way he understands me maybe the way he wants to be understood and I feel the same way towards him. Neither of us are wrong in this but I think we both need to at least see the others side.
If I could just let go. Really let go of this and live as if we just met, it may be different. But how do you just start over when you can't let go of the pain they have caused by being selfish. Yes, Selfish is what it takes to cheat and not think of the one you hurt. We have talked about this and he admitted it was selfish and has apologized.
He seems sincere and has cried several times when we talk. I don't believe he would do this just to fool me. I believe him but still who wants to be taken for the fool again. I forgave him months ago for the infidelity but I can get past the fact that we haven't talked about it the way I need to. Maybe he doesn't need to talk about it and can move on this way but I can't and isn't it about what we both need to move on that matters?
I have met his needs when he asked for changes in our marriage, so why can't he just give a little my way? I know I have not handled this the best way from the start but I have opened up to him honestly and tell him how I feel and why. I don't believe he really hears me! I just want to be heard...... am I wrong here?
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Where did it all go wrong
I some times miss the days of ignorant bliss, the days when I loved him so deeply that he had unspeakable trust. The days when I never questioned the long hours spent somewhere else. I thought deep in my soul that he loved me. I trusted him with my life.
Back in our early days of dating he had a friend tell him that the next woman he married, he needed to find her while he was a car salesmen. That she would have to understand and except his long hours or he shouldn't marry her. If he didn't she would nag him every day about his long hours on the job.
Hearing this story and knowing this was part of who he was, I knew I would have to except all of him. I never wanted to be the nagging wife, my mom nagged my father and they fought all the time. It make for a very hard childhood. I knew when I became a wife and mom I was never going to be my Mother.
So we married and he worked long days and I never complained once. I thought I was being the good wife. He worked six days a week and I did every thing I could while he was away. I did not want him to have to work on his one day off and I wanted him to spend it with me. He worked like this for years and still I said nothing.
I waited each night no matter how late it was for him to come home for dinner. Waiting for the call he's coming home. I would cook dinner, have it hot and ready each night. I didn't want him coming home to a plate in the frig, me in bed and a note on how long to microwave it.
His first wife cooked very little and when she did it was in the microwave or from a box. This was not me at all and I wanted to show him I was a good wife and good cook. Little did I know that this was just a small part of being a good wife. You need to be there to listen and be listened to. Talk about even the uncomfortable things. One of the problems with our marriage is neither of us did any of this for each other.
Looking back I now see there was another way. I should have supported his hard work with more comments and understanding, like how hard he was working for us but how much I missed having him home with me. I should have shown him love in many other ways. We both did not fill each others needs nor did we ask for our needs to be met.
Back in our early days of dating he had a friend tell him that the next woman he married, he needed to find her while he was a car salesmen. That she would have to understand and except his long hours or he shouldn't marry her. If he didn't she would nag him every day about his long hours on the job.
Hearing this story and knowing this was part of who he was, I knew I would have to except all of him. I never wanted to be the nagging wife, my mom nagged my father and they fought all the time. It make for a very hard childhood. I knew when I became a wife and mom I was never going to be my Mother.
So we married and he worked long days and I never complained once. I thought I was being the good wife. He worked six days a week and I did every thing I could while he was away. I did not want him to have to work on his one day off and I wanted him to spend it with me. He worked like this for years and still I said nothing.
I waited each night no matter how late it was for him to come home for dinner. Waiting for the call he's coming home. I would cook dinner, have it hot and ready each night. I didn't want him coming home to a plate in the frig, me in bed and a note on how long to microwave it.
His first wife cooked very little and when she did it was in the microwave or from a box. This was not me at all and I wanted to show him I was a good wife and good cook. Little did I know that this was just a small part of being a good wife. You need to be there to listen and be listened to. Talk about even the uncomfortable things. One of the problems with our marriage is neither of us did any of this for each other.
Looking back I now see there was another way. I should have supported his hard work with more comments and understanding, like how hard he was working for us but how much I missed having him home with me. I should have shown him love in many other ways. We both did not fill each others needs nor did we ask for our needs to be met.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Life lessons
All I can say is life lessons. Wow, who knew I would learn so much about infidelity, not I. I also never thought I would be in this place once again. I had a husband who cheated, not once but several times. When I choose to leave him, I thought I would never be in this place again. How wrong I was. I now know that if you don’t handle your problems they will come back to haunt you. Yes, I thought it was his problem and it would stay with him. By not knowing or understanding infidelity I became a causality of it all over again.
Had I known it was also my problem, I might not be where I am today. I would have known what to look for and I would have learned how to have an open, honest relationship. I had no idea how to communicate to someone in a relationship. It’s funny, not communicate! I thought you talk - they listen, they talk - you listen, end of story. Communication goes way deeper than this. If I had taken the time to understand it then, I would have seen him in trouble and known what to ask to help stop the heart ache that we both feel.
He was deeply hurting before he cheated and when I wasn’t there for him he must have felt so alone and empty. This hurts me just as deep as his infidelity. I have learned quite a bit about infidelity and I can’t say I know exactly what to say or what to look for but I am trying to learn.
I am also learning a lot about myself. I would have never thought that his infidelity would help me to learn about myself but it has. This is where it is my problem and why it has once again come in to my life. I don’t listen and I react badly when someone tried to talk to me. I am unapproachable, this saddens me to a new low today. How will we ever get beyond this if I don’t change. Can I change? I am not sure. It may be best for him if I just walk away. Listening and not reacting is going to be one of the biggest things for me to learn how to do.
I find it hard to believe it will be almost two years from discovery in just a few short weeks. This scares me to death. We are not as far as I had hoped we would be. This is my fault and I told him communication would be our down fall. Can I hang on…………. Or should I just let go?
Had I known it was also my problem, I might not be where I am today. I would have known what to look for and I would have learned how to have an open, honest relationship. I had no idea how to communicate to someone in a relationship. It’s funny, not communicate! I thought you talk - they listen, they talk - you listen, end of story. Communication goes way deeper than this. If I had taken the time to understand it then, I would have seen him in trouble and known what to ask to help stop the heart ache that we both feel.
He was deeply hurting before he cheated and when I wasn’t there for him he must have felt so alone and empty. This hurts me just as deep as his infidelity. I have learned quite a bit about infidelity and I can’t say I know exactly what to say or what to look for but I am trying to learn.
I am also learning a lot about myself. I would have never thought that his infidelity would help me to learn about myself but it has. This is where it is my problem and why it has once again come in to my life. I don’t listen and I react badly when someone tried to talk to me. I am unapproachable, this saddens me to a new low today. How will we ever get beyond this if I don’t change. Can I change? I am not sure. It may be best for him if I just walk away. Listening and not reacting is going to be one of the biggest things for me to learn how to do.
I find it hard to believe it will be almost two years from discovery in just a few short weeks. This scares me to death. We are not as far as I had hoped we would be. This is my fault and I told him communication would be our down fall. Can I hang on…………. Or should I just let go?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
