Where did it all go wrong

I some times miss the days of ignorant bliss, the days when I loved him so deeply that he had unspeakable trust. The days when I never questioned the long hours spent somewhere else. I thought deep in my soul that he loved me. I trusted him with my life.

Back in our early days of dating he had a friend tell him that the next woman he married, he needed to find her while he was a car salesmen. That she would have to understand and except his long hours or he shouldn't marry her. If he didn't she would nag him every day about his long hours on the job.

Hearing this story and knowing this was part of who he was, I knew I would have to except all of him. I never wanted to be the nagging wife, my mom nagged my father and they fought all the time. It make for a very hard childhood. I knew when I became a wife and mom I was never going to be my Mother.

So we married and he worked long days and I never complained once. I thought I was being the good wife. He worked six days a week and I did every thing I could while he was away. I did not want him to have to work on his one day off and I wanted him to spend it with me. He worked like this for years and still I said nothing.

I waited each night no matter how late it was for him to come home for dinner. Waiting for the call he's coming home. I would cook dinner, have it hot and ready each night. I didn't want him coming home to a plate in the frig, me in bed and a note on how long to microwave it.

His first wife cooked very little and when she did it was in the microwave or from a box. This was not me at all and I wanted to show him I was a good wife and good cook. Little did I know that this was just a small part of being a good wife. You need to be there to listen and be listened to. Talk about even the uncomfortable things. One of the problems with our marriage is neither of us did any of this for each other.

Looking back I now see there was another way. I should have supported his hard work with more comments and understanding, like how hard he was working for us but how much I missed having him home with me. I should have shown him love in many other ways. We both did not fill each others needs nor did we ask for our needs to be met.