Life lessons

All I can say is life lessons. Wow, who knew I would learn so much about infidelity, not I. I also never thought I would be in this place once again. I had a husband who cheated, not once but several times. When I choose to leave him, I thought I would never be in this place again. How wrong I was. I now know that if you don’t handle your problems they will come back to haunt you. Yes, I thought it was his problem and it would stay with him. By not knowing or understanding infidelity I became a causality of it all over again.

Had I known it was also my problem, I might not be where I am today. I would have known what to look for and I would have learned how to have an open, honest relationship. I had no idea how to communicate to someone in a relationship. It’s funny, not communicate! I thought you talk - they listen, they talk - you listen, end of story. Communication goes way deeper than this. If I had taken the time to understand it then, I would have seen him in trouble and known what to ask to help stop the heart ache that we both feel.

He was deeply hurting before he cheated and when I wasn’t there for him he must have felt so alone and empty. This hurts me just as deep as his infidelity. I have learned quite a bit about infidelity and I can’t say I know exactly what to say or what to look for but I am trying to learn.

I am also learning a lot about myself. I would have never thought that his infidelity would help me to learn about myself but it has. This is where it is my problem and why it has once again come in to my life. I don’t listen and I react badly when someone tried to talk to me. I am unapproachable, this saddens me to a new low today. How will we ever get beyond this if I don’t change. Can I change? I am not sure. It may be best for him if I just walk away. Listening and not reacting is going to be one of the biggest things for me to learn how to do.

I find it hard to believe it will be almost two years from discovery in just a few short weeks. This scares me to death. We are not as far as I had hoped we would be. This is my fault and I told him communication would be our down fall. Can I hang on…………. Or should I just let go?