My world had ended

It was just eight weeks ago, seems like a life time and yet just the other day sometimes. I was shocked that he could do this to me, us. How? Why? When? Was all I could think of. It started with a statement from him one night that he was going to get up early to do something for someone long before he needed to leave. I couldn't help but think this was odd.

When I heard him in the shower that morning I got up. I saw his I pod just sitting there. My gut made me look, without knowing what I was doing I stumbled thru it. I hit the right button and there in front of me an email sent out on Valentines day to her!

Oh my god, I ran to his bathroom and demanded he get out to talk to me. Finally he did and I told him, he was cheating on me and what I saw. I wish I had read the emails before I gave it back but my mind was not present at the time so all I saw was the subject of that email. It was enough to start something I thought I would never get over.

I started a journal that day and have written in it ever since. I spent three and a half weeks upset over just that email. When one day my gut got me to checking his email account online. I typed password after password until I got in. What I found over the next three days was far worst than just an email to a person thousands of miles away.

I won't go in to all the details of what was found but I will do my best to put what I have been thru here, in hopes of helping someone else like me. I had joined a chat line hoping for help but all I got was judged for staying in this marriage.

You won't be judged by me that is not my place. We all need a place to feel safe, I have my Personal Journal and you have me. What happened over the last eight weeks and how I am healing each week will come in bits and pieces. Help should not come with a price tag.