The signs were there, so Why?

He told me it started over two years ago. Why had I not seen this? I can only guess that with my own health problems I was blind to the rest of my life. I also don't think I was strong enough to deal with it then. We had been to counseling in the past, years ago but it was because we both had been married before and brought that crap into our marriage. So with what I had learned there, I started to apply some of this to this new mountain I face.

For the first three weeks I only knew of the one email. I thought he needed some form of dirty talk and that we were not communicating to each other on the same level. It seemed like every day there was something on the television about cheating. I could not escape this in any way. I had to face the beast head on. He was not going to give me any insight without me asking first.

I saw on one of the morning news programs a guy who had been a cheater and now was happily married. Not to the same wife mind you but he started researching cheating and offers help now to anyone who wants it. I went to his site and read every thing I could. I even searched other sites. This was all before I knew just how much bigger this was and what it was that I was faced with. I studied sites about my personal issues as well as how to get him to open up to me without pushing him away. I was not very good at it but it was better than doing nothing and feeling like crap in the process.

With writing in my journal every day it gave me the insight to myself. The more I wrote the more I learned about myself. I came to realize that I also had problems that lead to his infidelity. I won't take responsibility for his actions just my role in myself. He made the choice to do this rather than come to me with his needs. That hurts just as much as the act itself. I had asked him for years how could I please him. He gave me no answers. That, rests on him. He knew with my limited mobility that sex was hard to do and painful. This has also caused me personal hurt from him, to know he did this when I couldn't please him or myself. I may never understand how anyone could do this to someone they are married to. I don't have this charter defect.

He started to work on himself and I did the same for me. We also tried to work on our marriage as well. We talked when we could and wrote when we could not. It took weeks for him to open up to me. This is not going to be easy for either of us. The ups and downs that come with this situation, one can not prepare for. All I could do was deal with things one at a time.